After over two weeks of procrastinating/denial, I finally stepped up today and did it. I went to the vets to pick up Millie's ashes, and then tidied all of the cat stuff up in the basement (who knew you could get teary eyed whilst emptying out a litter tray?!). Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm as upset about Millie as I was when Pollo died, as she's always been Kelsey's favorite and the two of them formed a bond that no-one else could intrude on (they say you shouldn't have favorites, but I think that only applies to kids, right?). But that feeling of sadness and melancholy has hovered over me since we had her put down, and I've been trying to put my finger on it.
My guess is that with Millie passing, an end of an era is marked. The cats felt synonymous with our house in Leeds as we got them a few months after moving in. So much happened in that house, from the forming of rock solid friendships that can withstand the Atlantic Ocean, to the birth of both kids and the decision to move over here. In amongst all of that were Millie and Pollo, who befriended (to a greater or lesser extent) many of our friends over dinner, peeing in their shoes and while we were away on holiday (so many funny videos of Pollo being needy and yowly got sent our way!).
It was a hard decision to bring them over here, but in reality the only one we could have made. We couldn't handle the idea of us not being there when they got put down, or that we would leave any of our family members behind. So at great expense (it cost more for them to fly over in two shoddy wooden boxes than it did for 4 humans with 7 pieces of luggage!) they came with us.
They didn't live the same lifestyle as they did back in Leeds (mainly because we didn't want them to end up as a meal for a bobcat or a bear), but I think the indoor life suited them. The house is big enough that they could find places to hide when the kids or Marlowe (our dog-in-law) were around, and there was always a lap to cuddle on (if you were Millie with Kelsey). I'm not sure that either of us expected them to live as long as they did, especially as Millie was given 6 months to live around 5 years ago; we did wonder if they were eternal beings trapped in cat form.
But now they're gone. No matter that this moment was bound to arrive from the time that we decided to adopt them, the sadness that comes with that ending endures. To me, it feels like another link back to Leeds is gone. That in itself seems silly to write as we were the ones who chose to leave, and severed a huge number of links in one fell swoop. But at the same time, Millie and Pollo were a constant throughout most of our time in Leeds, and with their passing, an era has come to an end.
Monday 20 August 2018
Thursday 2 August 2018
Summer 3.0
It's incredible to think that in 3 short weeks, our 3rd American summer will be done and dusted. Well, almost. It will continue to be what I consider too hot and too sweaty till around the start of October, but we'll all be back at school (some later than others - curse you late-starting Manchester school district!) which seems to count in my mind.
Every summer has been different, and will continue to be different due to the kid's development, both physically and socially. However, this has been my favorite so far. It started with an incredibly recharging trip to Europe, seeing all of our old friends in the UK (including the wedding of our two best friends after 12 years of being together!), racing around the country at high speed to fit everyone in, before heading to Italy (after a brief passport debacle which, if I decide to do it, will warrant it's own blog post) for a week's worth of rest and relaxation. Having access to the small slice of heaven that is my parent's home out there means that we can keep up the hell-for-leather pace in the UK knowing that there is endless days of salty bread, walks to town and swimming to allow us to fully recharge.
After this amazing trip, it's therefore strange to come to find that there is still 5 weeks left before the kids come back. Last summer, and indeed in our first year here, I felt the need to go and run around every day with the kids, and I quickly fell into that mindset here. I think in part this is due to the Facebook effect - you see pictures of everyone else's summer and they look like they're having a terrific time, so you want to make sure your kids are getting the same sort of experiences. But a while back, before the summer started, I read a blog which I wish I could repost here. The writer talked about setting the same high expectations for herself, but that it made every day feel stressful, and she found herself getting grumpy if they didn't do something wonderfully enriching or memory making. This resonated with me, and I've been thinking more about it this summer.
This post was inspired by this morning, where I had thought about going to the beach or down to Dover to hit up our favorite museum. When I suggested that to Jake, he said no, and that he wanted to sit and play Lego's instead. Sophie agreed and we actually stayed in our PJs most of the morning, just goofing around and not going anywhere amazing or doing anything that we haven't done a million times already. I started to get fidgety and got that feeling like we were wasting our time, but then I was hit by the realization that this wasn't wasted time; the morning was all about building memories of time at home with Daddy, playing silly games, running around the house naked, deciding on a whim to go pick blueberries (despite being banned from the farm by my wife!) and eating watermelon til it drips down our elbows. There's definitely a time and a place for the big memory making trips and experiences, but I also want Jake and Sophie's childhood memories to be filled with the small delights and the endless lazy days moving at their speed and their timetable.
I wanted to record this realization for next summer, when it's quite likely that we'll be staying in the US all summer, and I will get the overwhelming feeling that we should be out doing Facebook worthy stuff. The other realization is that if what I see on Facebook is stressing me out (in that I feel like I'm not doing those amazing things that everyone else seems to be up to) then maybe I need to close Facebook instead of forcing my own summer.
The glorious thing about all of this is that this afternoon we went to the lake to meet up with Jake's best friend and his family and ended up having one of those dreamy afternoons by the lake, where Jake got on and steered his buddy's paddle board and I goofed in the water with Sophie, with hot pizza from the store across the road for dinner. Beautiful memory making quite by accident, which seems to be a much better way for them to be made, and a much more satisfying summer.
Here's to 3 more weeks of less planning and more goofing (thought with my sister coming on Wednesday, and the Forbes Family Vacation the week after, that may change!) and 3 more weeks of relaxation before the madness overtakes us all again.
Every summer has been different, and will continue to be different due to the kid's development, both physically and socially. However, this has been my favorite so far. It started with an incredibly recharging trip to Europe, seeing all of our old friends in the UK (including the wedding of our two best friends after 12 years of being together!), racing around the country at high speed to fit everyone in, before heading to Italy (after a brief passport debacle which, if I decide to do it, will warrant it's own blog post) for a week's worth of rest and relaxation. Having access to the small slice of heaven that is my parent's home out there means that we can keep up the hell-for-leather pace in the UK knowing that there is endless days of salty bread, walks to town and swimming to allow us to fully recharge.
After this amazing trip, it's therefore strange to come to find that there is still 5 weeks left before the kids come back. Last summer, and indeed in our first year here, I felt the need to go and run around every day with the kids, and I quickly fell into that mindset here. I think in part this is due to the Facebook effect - you see pictures of everyone else's summer and they look like they're having a terrific time, so you want to make sure your kids are getting the same sort of experiences. But a while back, before the summer started, I read a blog which I wish I could repost here. The writer talked about setting the same high expectations for herself, but that it made every day feel stressful, and she found herself getting grumpy if they didn't do something wonderfully enriching or memory making. This resonated with me, and I've been thinking more about it this summer.
This post was inspired by this morning, where I had thought about going to the beach or down to Dover to hit up our favorite museum. When I suggested that to Jake, he said no, and that he wanted to sit and play Lego's instead. Sophie agreed and we actually stayed in our PJs most of the morning, just goofing around and not going anywhere amazing or doing anything that we haven't done a million times already. I started to get fidgety and got that feeling like we were wasting our time, but then I was hit by the realization that this wasn't wasted time; the morning was all about building memories of time at home with Daddy, playing silly games, running around the house naked, deciding on a whim to go pick blueberries (despite being banned from the farm by my wife!) and eating watermelon til it drips down our elbows. There's definitely a time and a place for the big memory making trips and experiences, but I also want Jake and Sophie's childhood memories to be filled with the small delights and the endless lazy days moving at their speed and their timetable.
I wanted to record this realization for next summer, when it's quite likely that we'll be staying in the US all summer, and I will get the overwhelming feeling that we should be out doing Facebook worthy stuff. The other realization is that if what I see on Facebook is stressing me out (in that I feel like I'm not doing those amazing things that everyone else seems to be up to) then maybe I need to close Facebook instead of forcing my own summer.
The glorious thing about all of this is that this afternoon we went to the lake to meet up with Jake's best friend and his family and ended up having one of those dreamy afternoons by the lake, where Jake got on and steered his buddy's paddle board and I goofed in the water with Sophie, with hot pizza from the store across the road for dinner. Beautiful memory making quite by accident, which seems to be a much better way for them to be made, and a much more satisfying summer.
Here's to 3 more weeks of less planning and more goofing (thought with my sister coming on Wednesday, and the Forbes Family Vacation the week after, that may change!) and 3 more weeks of relaxation before the madness overtakes us all again.
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