Friday 13 December 2019

A foot in both places

We worked out that in early January 2020, our oldest child will have lived in America for longer than he did in the UK. For both of them, our lives in England will seem more and more like a distant memory, and they'll be those kids at the party who talk about how they moved here very young and go back to visit most years. For me, that transition date comes in 2049, when I'll be 66.

This is why last night's election result had me in tears this morning. Even though I no longer live in the UK, a large part of me still cares deeply about what happens there, and my life is still very much intertwined with my friends and family who live there. The idea of handing a massive majority to the Tories means that Brexit, which has been a frailty in my mind ever since the referendum, now becomes a nailed on certainty, an avoidable seismic shock that none of us can truly prepare for. My travels around Europe, my liberal upbringing and my vision for teaching children to be world citizens are all undone by the retreat into our island shell. Brexit rejects the strength in unity, refuses the give and take of reciprocal agreements in favor of a unicorn trade deal and allows those who wish to blame "the other" for their problems a louder voice. I shed tears for my tattered dreams, for my kids who lose their birthright to live and work freely among 500 million people and for the turn in society towards isolationism and selfishness.

But the eternal optimist in me can never sit still for long (or maybe it's just the coffee kicking in). The Tories now have 5 years to implement their vision for the country, and for Brexit. Maybe (maybe?!?) it'll work out and we'll all be proved wrong. But if it doesn't, there's no Lib Dem coalition to hide behind, no blaming it on the previous government, no opposition to stop them. The buck stops here, and as the opposition, all we can do is watch and be ready to call them into accountability and hold them to their promises. In 2024, we need to be ready with an opposition worthy of the name, and while we may never be able to undo Brexit, we can rebuild the links and ties that make us part of Europe.

These events (of which there seem to have been a lot of since we moved!) also make me renew my professional vows. As an educator, I don't get to talk politics at work, and I will never have anyone claim that I push my political views on my students. However, there are some universal truths that I will always teach and encourage: empathy towards others, the ability to debate and listen, how to allow yourself to change your mind in the face of new evidence. I feel fortunate that I get to help shape the thinking of the next generation, and I hope that my work ends in a more inclusive and collaborative world.

Monday 31 December 2018

Citizenship


I thought about writing a bigger, broader post reflecting on 2018 and what lies ahead for 2019, but a) I don't quite have the mental energy for it, b) there's been so much to think about that if I do write it down, it needs to be a series of separate blogs and c) I've been thinking about citizenship a lot recently, and wanted to record my thoughts.

This blog started life in the months leading up to our big move, which now seems a lifetime ago. I catch myself now and then driving around this beautiful state, gently amazed at the fact that we get to live here and that we've forged (are forging) a life for ourselves in a different country. Leeds often feels like a different world, and I'm not sure if that makes me feel happy, sad or nostalgic, or all of the above. However, this blog is titled "The Life of an Alien" with all the connotations of the word intended. 2019 will mark the end of our 3rd year here, and I will be eligible to apply for US citizenship.

There is not a moment's hesitation in my mind that I want to get my US citizenship, especially as it's legal for me to hold dual nationality with the UK. The benefits are manifold - I would get to vote (finally a chance to do something about the mess I see here!), I wouldn't be as worried about the anti-immigration rhetoric that comes out of the current administration, I get to hold the same passports as my children, and I never have to worry about visas expiring or being canceled. My biggest regret writing this list is that we never had the money to do this for my wife in the UK. Whilst it's more of a moot point now as we're living in her home country, I kinda wish that we had done it for her. 

The question is therefore not if, but when. April 8th marks the anniversary of us arriving, but there's an outside chance that I may be able to apply in January, which suddenly makes the idea of becoming an American real. I had to fight the urge just then to not put the word American in quotation marks, as I would be an American citizen with all the same rights and responsibilities that are afforded to my friends and family here. My urge to put them there represents the core of this post - if I have an American passport, pay taxes to the American government and work in an American school, at what point do I become American?

I recite the Pledge of Allegiance at school each day and every time I say the opening line (“I pledge allegiance to the flag…), I feel like I’m cheating as it doesn’t feel like my flag yet. I wonder if having citizenship will make me feel more truthful instantly, or if it will be a more gradual thing. The daily Pledge is one of those things that makes me feel most like an alien; partly it’s because I find it a strange thing that everyone is expected to do, regardless of whether you believe/understand the words, and partly because it’s strange to pledge allegiance to another country’s flag, even if it’s a country that I have chosen to live in.
I have a feeling that getting my American citizenship will feel like getting married. In some respects, nothing will change. I will have a blue and purple passport (although soon to be two blue passports if Brexiteers have their way), but I will still go to work, pay taxes, play with my kids and live my life as I have done for the last almost-three years. In some respects, lots will change. It will be a symbolic gesture to the longevity of our move (those hoping to see us return to the UK any time soon may choose to read another blog!) as well as a confirmation of the roots and ties that I/we are putting down over here. It’s that latter sentiment that fills me with excitement, and whilst I think I will always sound different and have a different set of cultural references and vocabulary, I think knowing that I belong here (and have the paperwork to prove it!) will make me feel less of an alien and make America feel more like home.


Monday 20 August 2018

The end of an era

After over two weeks of procrastinating/denial, I finally stepped up today and did it. I went to the vets to pick up Millie's ashes, and then tidied all of the cat stuff up in the basement (who knew you could get teary eyed whilst emptying out a litter tray?!). Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm as upset about Millie as I was when Pollo died, as she's always been Kelsey's favorite and the two of them formed a bond that no-one else could intrude on (they say you shouldn't have favorites, but I think that only applies to kids, right?). But that feeling of sadness and melancholy has hovered over me since we had her put down, and I've been trying to put my finger on it.

My guess is that with Millie passing, an end of an era is marked. The cats felt synonymous with our house in Leeds as we got them a few months after moving in. So much happened in that house, from the forming of rock solid friendships that can withstand the Atlantic Ocean, to the birth of both kids and the decision to move over here. In amongst all of that were Millie and Pollo, who befriended (to a greater or lesser extent) many of our friends over dinner, peeing in their shoes and while we were away on holiday (so many funny videos of Pollo being needy and yowly got sent our way!).

It was a hard decision to bring them over here, but in reality the only one we could have made. We couldn't handle the idea of us not being there when they got put down, or that we would leave any of our family members behind. So at great expense (it cost more for them to fly over in two shoddy wooden boxes than it did for 4 humans with 7 pieces of luggage!) they came with us.

They didn't live the same lifestyle as they did back in Leeds (mainly because we didn't want them to end up as a meal for a bobcat or a bear), but I think the indoor life suited them. The house is big enough that they could find places to hide when the kids or Marlowe (our dog-in-law) were around, and there was always a lap to cuddle on (if you were Millie with Kelsey). I'm not sure that either of us expected them to live as long as they did, especially as Millie was given 6 months to live around 5 years ago; we did wonder if they were eternal beings trapped in cat form.

But now they're gone. No matter that this moment was bound to arrive from the time that we decided to adopt them, the sadness that comes with that ending endures. To me, it feels like another link back to Leeds is gone. That in itself seems silly to write as we were the ones who chose to leave, and severed a huge number of links in one fell swoop. But at the same time, Millie and Pollo were a constant throughout most of our time in Leeds, and with their passing, an era has come to an end.

Thursday 2 August 2018

Summer 3.0

It's incredible to think that in 3 short weeks, our 3rd American summer will be done and dusted. Well, almost. It will continue to be what I consider too hot and too sweaty till around the start of October, but we'll all be back at school (some later than others - curse you late-starting Manchester school district!) which seems to count in my mind.

Every summer has been different, and will continue to be different due to the kid's development, both physically and socially. However, this has been my favorite so far. It started with an incredibly recharging trip to Europe, seeing all of our old friends in the UK (including the wedding of our two best friends after 12 years of being together!), racing around the country at high speed to fit everyone in, before heading to Italy (after a brief passport debacle which, if I decide to do it, will warrant it's own blog post) for a week's worth of rest and relaxation. Having access to the small slice of heaven that is my parent's home out there means that we can keep up the hell-for-leather pace in the UK knowing that there is endless days of salty bread, walks to town and swimming to allow us to fully recharge.

After this amazing trip, it's therefore strange to come to find that there is still 5 weeks left before the kids come back. Last summer, and indeed in our first year here, I felt the need to go and run around every day with the kids, and I quickly fell into that mindset here. I think in part this is due to the Facebook effect - you see pictures of everyone else's summer and they look like they're having a terrific time, so you want to make sure your kids are getting the same sort of experiences. But a while back, before the summer started, I read a blog which I wish I could repost here. The writer talked about setting the same high expectations for herself, but that it made every day feel stressful, and she found herself getting grumpy if they didn't do something wonderfully enriching or memory making. This resonated with me, and I've been thinking more about it this summer.

This post was inspired by this morning, where I had thought about going to the beach or down to Dover to hit up our favorite museum. When I suggested that to Jake, he said no, and that he wanted to sit and play Lego's instead. Sophie agreed and we actually stayed in our PJs most of the morning, just goofing around and not going anywhere amazing or doing anything that we haven't done a million times already. I started to get fidgety and got that feeling like we were wasting our time, but then I was hit by the realization that this wasn't wasted time; the morning was all about building memories of time at home with Daddy, playing silly games, running around the house naked, deciding on a whim to go pick blueberries (despite being banned from the farm by my wife!) and eating watermelon til it drips down our elbows. There's definitely a time and a place for the big memory making trips and experiences, but I also want Jake and Sophie's childhood memories to be filled with the small delights and the endless lazy days moving at their speed and their timetable.

I wanted to record this realization for next summer, when it's quite likely that we'll be staying in the US all summer, and I will get the overwhelming feeling that we should be out doing Facebook worthy stuff. The other realization is that if what I see on Facebook is stressing me out (in that I feel like I'm not doing those amazing things that everyone else seems to be up to) then maybe I need to close Facebook instead of forcing my own summer.

The glorious thing about all of this is that this afternoon we went to the lake to meet up with Jake's best friend and his family and ended up having one of those dreamy afternoons by the lake, where Jake got on and steered his buddy's paddle board and I goofed in the water with Sophie, with hot pizza from the store across the road for dinner. Beautiful memory making quite by accident, which seems to be a much better way for them to be made, and a much more satisfying summer.

Here's to 3 more weeks of less planning and more goofing (thought with my sister coming on Wednesday, and the Forbes Family Vacation the week after, that may change!) and 3 more weeks of relaxation before the madness overtakes us all again.

Friday 27 April 2018

2 years (and a few days!)

I like anniversaries. Whether it's commemorating the fact that my wife and I have been a couple for 5000 days recently, or celebrating birthdays, there's something satisfying about marking the progress of time and reflecting on the changes since the last celebration. Which is why I'm slightly disappointed with the timing of this post. April 8th will always mark the date that we moved here and started the next big chapter in our lives, but as always with these posts, there is a delay between thinking "I need to write" and finding the headspace to do so. I would also imagine that there's a fair correlation between my blog posts and when I'm off school, as this is when time slows down a little.

Anyway. I still want to mark 2 years of being here as it represents a full year in our own house and the starting up of traditions and habits that will become part of our kid's earliest memories. What I want to do here is revisit the 1st post of this blog which talked about the 5 things that I was most excited for our move. I want to look at how each of these has played out, and the next things I'm excited for.

1) The space
In the original post, I had my heart set on a 3 or 4 bedroom house in the woods, with a couple of acres of land that we could grow vegetables on, have the kids play and keep chickens. With the exception of the latter, we are truly living the dream. Yesterday, Jake got up from rest time and decided that he wanted to go and do some gardening, so we went and planted pumpkin seeds. They then drove around in their four wheelers, played in the sand pit and happily played in the house on the deck. It was simply delightful to have that much outdoor space. I'm also planning on expanding to grow blueberries and cherries this year, with half an eye on a peach tree. I give this dream 10/10, even without the chickens.

2) The people
We see an awful lot of my wife's family, especially her parents which isn't surprising as it's less than a 5 minute drive to their house (which was all part of the plan of buying this place!). I had talked about the friendly customer service and small talk, and this is definitely true, even though I've had to train myself in becoming proficient in small talk to strangers (tip for other aliens: start by finding a common link, whether it's where you're from, where you've been or someone you know). We're still working on having friends outside of work or our kid's situations, but with 2 small people and the desire to hang out with them a lot makes this harder; that and I sometimes feel that we're always going to compare them to our our solid group of friends back in the UK. In terms of the gist of the original post, my overall impressions of New Englanders is that they're polite, friendly and very earnest (I've had to tone my sarcasm down several octaves): 10/10 for the prediction!

3) An outdoorsy lifestyle
Last summer saw me conquer 4 of the 48 mountains in New Hampshire that measure over 4,000 feet, as well as starting to get to know some of the local trails. I also used some of our tax return money (still don't quite understand the tax system here, but it seems to pay out in our favour!) to buy a canoe, which we have used once. When it's not bitterly cold, we do spend a good chunk of time outside which will only improve as Sophie becomes more confident and Jake allows himself to become braver with some of the activities we like to do. However, I've been made aware of loads of kid friendly hikes and trails, so I can't wait to explore more this summer! 9/10

4) Exploration and adventure
I think I probably underestimated how big America is and how little vacation time Kelsey would get when I wrote this. We also have the old trap that has dogged us for years that we want to spend all of our vacation time visiting friends and family in the other country. So our biggest trips so far have all been to England and to visit my wife's sister in Connecticut. However, my wife is training to become a teacher this year, so while it's going to make things tight financially, from September 2019 onwards we should have more time and money, and kids that are old enough, to start to explore more of this side of the ocean. 5/10.

5) Living on vacation
I still get a little giddy going to Calef's for lunch as it feels like I'm on holiday rather than just grabbing a sandwich for lunch. My vacation time with the kids is spent doing mini tourist things, and the ability to be at the top of Bluejob mountain within 30 minutes of leaving my front door still feels special. It's an interesting flip to watch the routine things of our time in Leeds (Greggs, going to the pub, hanging out with our friends') take on the mysticism of "holiday activities"; things to be excited about rather than just day to day activities. This one is hard to score as it's not vacation any more to live here, but I still enjoy the treats and the experiences that are now available to us daily.

So all in all I feel that my predictions about what I would find the most exciting over here are pretty accurate. It's also pretty satisfying to see that we've managed to make just about all of the dreams that we had for our life here come true, or at least have a plan to make them happy.

Some of the other things that I didn't realize that I would be excited about:

My job - teaching over here is a completely different experience and one that has truly set me free to be the creative and caring teacher that I dreamed of being at the start of my career. I know I'm lucky with my school district, but I get a lot of professional and personal satisfaction from my day to living.

Enormous snowfalls - any time when we're expecting over a foot of snow, the small, childish part of me gets all giddy at the prospect of such a scenery changing amount of snow. Even having to snow blow multiple times doesn't get me down, and there's something awe inspiring in putting your foot down and having snow come almost up to your knees. That, and the sunny days that immediately follow are some of the most spectacular times.

Sophie at day care - when we moved over, Sophie was 9 months old. She's now almost 3, and it's crazy to think that she has lived almost 75% of her life here! I love her daycare's outdoor section and the fact that she comes home covered in paint, food and with leaves in her hair, gabbling incomprehensibly about her day. While I'm excited to have her at Jake's old day care in the autumn, I will miss our car rides together.

Jake at school - I know Jake wold have thrived in any rule bound school environment, but when we moved he was still only 4 and school seemed like a long way away. Watching him develop into a learner who can read, write and count is just wonderful, and I love listening to his stories about what he did at school.

Fruit picking - we spent a lot of time at Butternut Farm last year picking each of the seasonal fruits, and there is something just incredibly exotic about picking a fresh peach off the tree and biting into the juicy goodness. I love the connection to the land, and while the produce will be more expensive than at a store, I fully intend to spend hundreds more there this summer to support local growers and to make sure my kids have a full appreciation of where their food comes from.

There are more, many more (grilling, lake life and free sports on TV to name but 3), but a) I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, b) this post has given me such a big smile and a true appreciation of our life here and c) I need to go wake Jake up so we can go to the trampoline park, because it's April vacation week, because we can, because life here is good.

Sunday 18 March 2018

Decorating

Is that it's officially spring on Tuesday (despite what the foot of snow still in parts of my garden tells us)? Or perhaps that we have an IEP evaluation for Sophie on Wednesday and we want to look like "good parents"? Or maybe it's that our 2 year anniversary of The Big Move is coming up?

In any case, these last 2 weekends have seen a massive increase in our decorations around our house. Yes, we've (and by we, I mean my wife) have managed to keep a seasonal wreath on our door (who knew that was thing!) and a seasonal tablecloth on the table (including the garish orange pumpkin one for most of October and November! (note from wife - this was picked out by the 5 year old!)). But these are all temporary and small things. We've had a few family heirlooms and knick-knacks on the mantel place and on display in the spare room, but the only piece of art is a watercolor painting from Target because we felt like we should have something.

I was always slightly bothered that there was nothing on Jake and Sophie's walls in particular - again, their rooms and indeed our house are not lacking for books, toys and other personal touches, but there was nothing in there to make them into a proper kid's room.

All that has now changed. We have the most beautiful map of the White Mountains hiking trails hanging behind our couch (thank you Karyn!), with a stunning wooden frame. I've been told I'm not allowed to mark on the ones that I've done, but this seems a waste - we'll see who wins that one! My wife brought back some fancy wrapping paper from her recent trip to the UK which has world maps and a "map" of the solar system, so we've framed these and hung them in the kid's rooms. We've also added some artwork that we brought with us from the UK, and some that we've borrowed from the in-laws that my wife used to have in her room as a kid. Finally, we strung up some flower garlands in Sophie's room, and a ring of world flags in Jake's.

The overall effect throughout the house is to make it feel more like a home. This is strange to say, as we've now lived here longer than we did at Church Lane (our first married house) and it is most definitely "home". But I think there is a difference between somewhere feeling like our home (where my wife and kids are) and a building feeling like a home, where it looks lived in and personalised to the people living there. I'm not sure that pictures on the wall is the only way to achieve it, but putting up all those frames has made me so happy and rooted that there must be something in it.

We've still got a whole pack of pictures and paintings from our time back in Leeds, as well as plans for a family photo wall and a Forbes Wolfson Fine Art gallery, which all feel like exciting thoughts moving forward towards the start of our third year here. I'm not going to bore you with pictures - if you want to see how we've decorated, make plans to come visit!

Sunday 12 November 2017

Adverts

A lot of the posts on here tend to be more serious or thoughtful, generally depending on how homesick I am or how much I'm reading the news. However, this one is more playful. I keep meaning to write it, but each time I start writing it in my head, I hear something new that I want to add in.

Adverts, or commercials, are everywhere here. The most weird placement is during the baseball TV commentary, when halfway through a discussion point they will name drop a sponsor and their tag line ("That play was brought to you by Geico - 15 minutes could save you 15%") as if it's not a weird thing to do. Every part of a game is sponsored, from highlights to half time shows and even the post match interviews. The strangest thing that I only realized on going back to the UK for a whirlwind weekend is that there is no gambling here on sports - no Bet365 odds at half time or William Hill shops on every corner (also means no football accumulators...probably a good thing).

My favourite commercials (as I will call them as I prefer the term) are the ones on radio, especially those on local radio stations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think these are particular to the US, but a) I listened almost exclusively to commercial-free BBC radio in the UK and b) a lot of these observations make me laugh. So here are my favourite radio commercial observations:

1) The use of the show's presenter in commercials - this happens both at the local and national level, with even bit part members of the Elvis Doran (think Chris Moyles just older and gayer) show getting in on the act. It's very confusing to hear them discussing something and then break for a commercial, only for them to be on air delivering the commercial. I guess that's half the point, but I heard one segment where 4 of the 5 commercials were done by the show's presenter. I also love the local DJ (Jadd on Z107) who speaks like a teenager and has sold his soul to just about everyone in a 10 mile radius. Listening to him trying to get hyped about Pandora bracelets or the local credit union makes me chuckle.

2) Small local business - most people buy in professional voice overs or actors, but my favourite commercials by far are the ones done by the people who actually own the business. They always sound so forced and corny that I can't help but laugh, especially when they try to insert a joke but forget they can't hear your laughter and so leave an awkward second of silence. Pure radio gold.

3) The pervasiveness of Geico - while you'll hear most commercials on repeat for a good month or so at a time, Geico (a large national insurance provider) seems to have gone for the scatter gun approach. In the last week, I must have heard at least a dozen difference commercials, ranging from advice from your shadow to things that will make you feel good. At the heart is the same message about why you should choose Geico (and I could probably reel them off for you, which shows the success) but the sheer cost involved makes me wonder if the effort is worth it. I also sometimes wonder who comes up with the themes, as a lot of them are incredibly random and not related to insurance at all.

4) Political ads - these were way over the top during the run up to the election, especially with the above mentioned continuous repetition. However, they still pop up every now and then, and recently I heard a negative ad slamming one of the New Hampshire senators. There's no election any time soon and the ad was sponsored by a group not affiliated with any political party or organization (I know because they have to tell you at the end). It struck me as bizarre that this is a legitimate form of campaigning, yet if I was to do and say the same things about a random member of the public, it could be construed as slander. Interesting thoughts.

The best part of having fun with the commercials is that they're not my favorite part of the radio experience. I was concerned that I would miss radio 1 and 4 a lot, and to begin with, I only listened to the stations that Kelsey and I listened to as we drove around on holiday. However, I now have my Chris Moyles alternative in the morning (until Sophie starts repeating what she hears - the show is definitely NSFW some days!), NPR (think radio 4 but more random) as well as sports radio with really feisty presenters and some good country in the mix too. Long commutes to work don't seem as boring any more!