A year at home

One of the interesting things about anniversaries and important dates is how and when you use them to mark time. We have our birthdays and weddings (though for my wife and I, we have 3 wedding dates to choose from, but only one birthday between us), but the move over here is also marked in our calendars (not diaries, over here at least!) as it demarcates the end of one chapter of our lives and the start of the next.

Today also marks another important anniversary - a year in our first American home. In the same way that I can't believe that it also marks 18 months of us being here (we moved in exactly 6 months after we arrived), a year in this house seems to have gone by very quickly. The transition from our family house in the UK to my in-laws was strange, but familiar at the same time. Finding this place and going through the whole purchasing process was the first time that our move here felt permanent, even with jobs and a new car. Buying a house means putting down roots and signalling our intent to stay here, to become part of the community, to have our kids grow up in Strafford's school system and for us to have a family home to return home to each day. 

I remember with clarity the first night here, giving the kids a bath and thinking how weird it would be for that bath time to feel normal and for the whole newness of the house to become familiarity. To a certain extent, it has, but I still feel a rush of excitement sometimes when I catch a glimpse of a new angle of the house or just admire another facet that I hadn't noticed before. For example, being able to host a birthday party with an enormous bouncy castle that didn't seem to take up any space, or having a Christmas tree that was 10 feet plus tall that I could look down on, or simply standing in the back and looking up at the trees, feeling small and protected by them. 

We have made some interesting discoveries. In November, about a month after moving in, we woke one morning to find that it was absolutely freezing in the house. The heating, which had been working fine, was off and we didn't really want to pay someone to come and fix it. We called my father in law, who's first question was "when was the last time someone delivered oil?". Problem solved, but it was a revelation to realize that we weren't connected to any sort of communal heating, water or sewage supply - everything is in our house. The only thing we have "delivered" is electricity, but we're planning on solar panels so that we can be more self-sufficient. In March, I finally gave up my battle with our incredibly slow (but cheap) satellite internet service and paid off our contract. We now have high speed cable, meaning that video calls back to the UK are easy and fun - some times, you can't put a price on things. In June, with guests visiting and having boasted about the quality of our water, we found that it was turning orange and metallic - a sure sign of iron. Cue a discovery about the intense filtration system that we have downstairs that we hadn't paid attention to and needed servicing. I love the idea of having water coming from the ground underneath us, but it sure makes you appreciate what Yorkshire Water does - including having to give the kids fluoride pills as there's none in the water here.

We have done our usual house trick of not really doing anything for the first year. We have 2 pieces of art on the wall and a good stock of second hand and discount furniture to see us through when the kids are young. We bought something that was too big for our house (a canoe) but managed to find a home for it. We have managed to keep half a handle on the garden, but it will need more TLC next year. I guess the big difference is that we have invested in some nice furniture with a plan for more and the sheer amount of space available to us has made us more cautious about filling it with stuff. 

It feels like a long time since my childhood friend Dan and I climbed the tree in the back yard instead of unpacking, and even longer since we first stepped through the door and gaped at the size of the house we were looking at. This house has seen Jake start kindergarten, Sophie get her hearing fixed and learning to walk and talk, a new change of career plan for my wife and a successful first year for me as I start my new adventure in American education. By the time October 8th rolls around next year, Kelsey will be knee deep in her masters course, Jake will be in first grade and Sophie will be at preschool. We may or may not have updated the house further, but it will feel more and more like home home every day. 

Post script

None of this would have been possible without the legacy of Gran, and the irony is that if she was around for me to Skype and share this home with her, we probably wouldn't be here. It's a tough balancing act to manage, but she stipulated that the money should be used to do something that you wouldn't otherwise be able to do. I'd say moving wholesale to America into a house that is 4 times our previous one with enough land that my 144 square feet vegetable garden makes no dent in the acreage fits this bill, and for that I will always be truly grateful to Gran. 

American Values

Part of the fun of being a foreigner is the feeling of insider knowledge that you get from truly experiencing another country for an extended period of time. Gone are the familiar stereotypes and even some of the surface observations that you make as a visitor here - the experience of day to day living surrounded by American people, American news and American culture offers an unrivaled view into another way of life. It's fun to be able to offer our visitors some of these deeper insights, such as the earnestness of most Americans I've met, and the social norms such as the traditional American small talk of trying to find some sort of connection through ancestry or social group.

On the other hand, it reveals certain truths and ugliness that are hard to see from the outside, especially with the rose tinted view afforded by holidays. I started writing this post in my head during last week's NFL protests, but I feel compelled to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) after the events in Las Vegas and their dissection by the media and politicians.

The NFL protests - kneeling during the national anthem - were, I think, intended as a way of bringing to focus social injustice in terms of the underlying racism that still exists in large swathes of America. However, the national anthem, along with the flag, is held in high reverence here and to do anything other than stand and remove one's hat is seen to be the height of treason (regardless of the fact that most people sit when they hear it on TV).

The confusion lies in the belief that the flag and anthem stand for "American values" and that all Americans, regardless of who they are or where they're from, should be proud to stand for the flag. Indeed, we start every day at school pledging blind allegiance to the flag, assuming that we know what we're pledging. The issue here is what you consider to be American values (a similar debate has raged in the UK education system about British values, but that's for another post). If you take the pledge of allegiance, the main values (I think) come from the last sentence - liberty and justice for all. In that sense, I agree with the protesters - we don't have either of those, so any way that you can find to raise awareness of this is worth pursuing. If you take the national anthem, the values that come through again stem from the last line - the land of the free and the home of the brave. This idea of bravery runs deep in America, and often the national anthem/flag debate gets wrapped up with veterans and the army, so by kneeling for justice, protesters are seen to be disrespecting the army who protect this land of the free and brave (this, again, is another post in the making).

If you take the constitution as your guide for American values, you end up with a great mix of ideas. On the one hand, the idea that all men are created equal doesn't seem to run true, while on the other there are some knotty issues about the extent of free speech as seen in the recent events in Charlottesville. You are also adhering to a text written 250 years ago in an age where America was being forged against the will of the might of the British empire, so it made sense to amend it to afford a well armed militia with a right to bear arms and to not have to quarter soldiers against your will. I feel that some of these amendments have the same ring that arguments against homosexuality using that Leviticus section of the Bible hold - it says so in the book, and the book must be right, therefore I'm right, regardless of whether it's still applicable or relevant today.

The shooting in Las Vegas sickened me, but not as much as the vapid "thoughts and prayers" from many of the country's leading politicians. Even worse are the politicians who, instead of taking to arms (so to speak) and thinking of ways to combat this problem before the next shooter comes along, have openly said that these shootings are a natural consequence of the freedoms afforded by the constitution, so we just have to accept them. Even worse is the politician who when asked about gun control said that it's on the shoulders of everyone to take extra precautions and to "be small" in the situations.

Fuck.

That.

(sorry for swearing, mum)

If I have to accept you have a constitutional right to "bear arms", and that there is nothing stopping those arms from being fully automatic, military grade machine guns, then you have to accept my constitutional right to congregate freely in public and to live a life free from harassment. Why should I have to take precautions about going to open air concerts or other crowded spaces because it is feasible and possible that someone, without any prior convictions or recorded history of mental illness, decides to take their arsenal and shoot their frustrations at me? Why should I have to teach my students the "lockdown" drill where we hide in our classroom in the dark with the door locked so a shooter can't kill us? Why should I have to hug my children extra hard tonight, praying that at some point in their lives they won't be one of the faces on TV for a few days, their lives ended because no one did anything in their power to stop it from happening again, and again, again?

The normal response of "people wouldn't shoot innocents if they knew everyone else had a gun" fails when your gunman barricades himself in a hotel 100 yards away and rains bullets down. But not once in 48 hours post Vegas have I heard anyone (apart from a few Democratic senators) say anything other than condemning the violence, praying for the victims and talking about mental health laws. I don't know if I get so worked up over gun violence and mass shootings because I come from a country where guns aren't an issue because no one has them, or because I'm a pacifist through and through and the idea that you are making it easier for people to cause massive damage to others just sickens me. But the lack of any kind of preventative response from the only people who could actively do something about just makes my blood boil.

The life of an alien is tough sometimes. You spend ages feeling like you've acclimatized, that you're part of the furniture, but then you realize that being part of that culture is more than knowing the Red Sox lineup by heart or learning a few pop culture references; it's understanding the decisions that get made and the different voices that make up the national conversation. Perhaps that's why American values are so hard to pin down - not because they don't exist, but that each American has their own interpretation of what they mean, and that is the hardest lesson for an alien to learn.