I'll start this post that marks a year of us being in the US with a text from my mum: "So when do you stop being an alien?". It was a great question that stopped me in my tracks. I had been planning sort of a review style post, with some musings and reflections. I think I'll still write that at some point this week, as well as revisiting my predictions post from the very beginning (almost like I planned that one!). But for today, I want to try and think about an answer to Mum's question.
On a tangible level, I am now 1 year done out of a 3 year "trial" period. Assuming that I do everything right, I'll be able to apply for my US citizenship in early 2019, joining the blue passport gang in my house. It's a decision that we'll definitely make, with concerns over Brexit and getting the ability to be able to vote among the primary drivers. I feel a little guilty, as while my wife qualified for British citizenship a number of years back, we only had the cash to do so in the year before we left the UK, by which point it didn't seem worth it. However, as we're planning on staying here indefinitely, I want the right to vote, and not to have worry about visas or being a legal alien. I will maintain my UK citizenship, of course, which still remains an essential part of who I am.
However, I doubt that a US passport will automatically change my status to non-alien, at least mentally. I think that that process takes a lot longer, and is a much more gradual and subtle process. In part, I think the transition away from alienhood will happen linguistically. I find that the American terms and phrases that come up a lot in my day to life (period for full stop, gas instead of petrol, referring to general money as dollars instead of pounds, etc) come more naturally out of mouth, but I still have to think a few words ahead to make sure that I'm "translating" correctly. I also am more aware of having to change the way I pronounce certain words, and while I know that parts of my accent will stay the same, I'm also aware that there will be words and phrases that will sound more American (despite not being able to "do" an American accent!) and that I won't be able to hear these until someone points it out to me.
In part, the transition will come behaviorally. I now accept that adding 20% tip onto a meal is appropriate, and have been known to do more for better service. Driving on the right hand side has become second nature, to the point where we were watching a show set in the UK and it took me a while to realize why I felt nervous during driving scenes. I find myself dressing more American, with more polo shirts and slacks at the weekend than I ever thought possible.
The biggest change I feel will happen socially. This for me is the hardest thing to acclimatise to, and the one that most often makes me like an alien. The two examples that stand out for me are small talk and banter.
I don't know if it's a personal thing or a British thing, but I find small talk hard. Fortunately, most Americans are great at it, and I have a built in talking ticket in being British which means I can get by. However, it's the start of conversations that I find hard. In the UK, it wouldn't be weird for me to start a conversation with a colleague at work in the morning by saying their name and getting started. Here, you need to go through the whole "Hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, how are you?" dance, and I still tend to forget. I worry that I sometimes come across as rude or uncouth, but it's still not part of my alien DNA yet.
The other thing I find hard is banter and joking with people. The large majority of Americans that I have met fall into two categories - incredibly earnest and genuine, and so deadpan sarcastic that it takes me a while to see the twinkle in their eye. I didn't pick up on the first group for ages, and my usual way of making friends by gently teasing people and beating up on them for fun fell on deaf ears and surprised looks for a long while. My brain often supplies quick quips and put downs that I know would make a British audience laugh, but I have to supress this a lot for the risk of being seen to be mean. I don't know if that little voice inside my head will ever stop, but it's hard work turning it off sometimes. The second group of people are much more fun to hang out with, as I recognize a lot of my own sense of humour with them, but it's hard to have these terribly sarcastic conversations where it's almost like a competition to see who can keep a straight face for longest.
So, back to the question that kicked this post off. I've been here for a year now, and there are times when I feel so very British and foreign, but other times (more frequently) where I don't notice my own foreigness for ages until I say or do something that raises an eyebrow or gets a laugh unintentionally. The other, perhaps more pertinent, question may be "do I want to stop being an alien?", and that is a much deeper and harder question to answer.
So with that in mind, and much to my wife's pleasure, I'm not going to put this blog down as I feel that there's much more alienness to discover and reflect on. However, the title has changed, much to my wife's chagrin (who knew she cared that much about my blogs!) to reflect the longer term nature of the process. Here's to more adventures in year 2!
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