Thanksgiving

So our first Thanksgiving as a family has come and gone. I felt a little disingenuous telling people at work that it was my first Thanksgiving in America, but given that the first one was 13 years ago when our relationship was but a few months old, and I hadn't realized the significance of the dates that I had bought the tickets for, I still think I get to count this year as my first.

The actual day ran as I thought it would. I spent the morning cooking stuffed mushrooms and an apple crumble (got to bring something British to the table, and I wasn't sure how well crumpets and marmite would have been received) and we went over to my wife's parents place for an afternoon of family, food and fun.

It was delightful to see Jake as a play leader with his cousins; most family get togethers previously have seen him stick closely to me or my wife, even with the temptation of similarly aged playmates nearby. However, this time, from the moment we got there, he ran off and started playing, even leading the charge to go outside and run around in the cold. Maybe it was that he finally felt comfortable around them, or maybe it's because we spent 6 months at their house so he felt at home there, but in either case, it was great to see him so confident around other children, and we're looking into ways to get the cousins together again.

Sophie was a cheery delight as always, and as she's getting her walking under control, it's great fun to watch her toddle around. She's much more sociable than Jake was at this age, and is happy being passed from person to person with her big hair and even bigger smile always attached to her face. She seems to have developed a lot in the last couple of months, which may just be her age, or in part due to her new day care, but she's definitely entering toddlerdom with enthusiasm, playing games and doing things because she finds them funny. Whilst 2 kids is a lot of work sometimes, there are days, like on Thanksgiving, that we are able to bask in their joyfulness and simplicity.

Every year (up until a couple of years back) we held a Thanksgiving party in the UK for our friends. What started out as a small dinner party to stop my wife feeling quite so homesick in her first year in the UK evolved into a big house party that brought our friends back to Leeds from the far flung corners of the country that they had moved to. The food moved from a full turkey dinner to a bring your own dish pot luck, so it was strange to see a very set menu (turkey, ham, mash potato, stuffing) that is the apparent staple of New England Thanksgiving. My offer of a chicken pot pie was shot down as being the wrong food, which opened my eyes to the deep-rooted traditions that American holidays seem to have. Having said that, I will never turn a good meal, even though it was missing Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes...maybe for next year.

The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were always tough in our household, as my wife would always get homesick (to a greater or lesser extent depending on how things were going) as she knew the rest of her family were getting together for this big set piece celebration that she wouldn't be part of. After a few years, she wouldn't even call in to the party as she didn't wanted to be reminded of her absence, so our UK Thanksgiving was always a welcome distraction. This year, it was my turn to feel homesick. It was quite unexpected, and took a couple of conversations between me and my wife to work out what was making me feel sad and grumpy. I think it took so long because there is no party going on that we were missing out on, and life back in Leeds would look and feel very different if we were to move back. I'm also incredibly happy here with the life that we are forging for ourselves, so I think homesickness is the wrong word. Maybe wistful nostalgia is a better definition, as thinking and remembering Thanksgiving past brings to full light the fact that for all the positives of being here, we left a lot of good strong friendships behind, and that it takes a long time for new friends to become old friends (to quote my mother). The world is made smaller through Facebook, Whatsapp and email, but there is something lost in not being able to see each other real time, going round for dinner or just hanging out. The age and the strength of our friendships will mean that we will find ways to make them work, but I think my brain associates Thanksgiving with seeing friends old and new and I miss them.

Homesickness also feels like the wrong word because it implies that home is still the UK. I don't think I've yet to work out where home truly is, or whether it has to be in one place only, but home definitely revolves around my wife and Jake and Sophie, so home is here. Saying I'm homesick makes it sound like we're just here on a long vacation, and while our plan was always to move back to the US at some point (even though many people didn't think it would ever happen!), now that we're here, there's no plan to return to the UK permanently any time soon. So maybe it's that I'm missing the important people in our life as we adjust, and that maybe each November will be tough. But I'm thankful for our time in the UK and for our new life here in New Hampshire and the friends and family that we have there and here. They have helped make us the family that we are today, and for that I am truly thankful.