It's incredible to think that in 3 short weeks, our 3rd American summer will be done and dusted. Well, almost. It will continue to be what I consider too hot and too sweaty till around the start of October, but we'll all be back at school (some later than others - curse you late-starting Manchester school district!) which seems to count in my mind.
Every summer has been different, and will continue to be different due to the kid's development, both physically and socially. However, this has been my favorite so far. It started with an incredibly recharging trip to Europe, seeing all of our old friends in the UK (including the wedding of our two best friends after 12 years of being together!), racing around the country at high speed to fit everyone in, before heading to Italy (after a brief passport debacle which, if I decide to do it, will warrant it's own blog post) for a week's worth of rest and relaxation. Having access to the small slice of heaven that is my parent's home out there means that we can keep up the hell-for-leather pace in the UK knowing that there is endless days of salty bread, walks to town and swimming to allow us to fully recharge.
After this amazing trip, it's therefore strange to come to find that there is still 5 weeks left before the kids come back. Last summer, and indeed in our first year here, I felt the need to go and run around every day with the kids, and I quickly fell into that mindset here. I think in part this is due to the Facebook effect - you see pictures of everyone else's summer and they look like they're having a terrific time, so you want to make sure your kids are getting the same sort of experiences. But a while back, before the summer started, I read a blog which I wish I could repost here. The writer talked about setting the same high expectations for herself, but that it made every day feel stressful, and she found herself getting grumpy if they didn't do something wonderfully enriching or memory making. This resonated with me, and I've been thinking more about it this summer.
This post was inspired by this morning, where I had thought about going to the beach or down to Dover to hit up our favorite museum. When I suggested that to Jake, he said no, and that he wanted to sit and play Lego's instead. Sophie agreed and we actually stayed in our PJs most of the morning, just goofing around and not going anywhere amazing or doing anything that we haven't done a million times already. I started to get fidgety and got that feeling like we were wasting our time, but then I was hit by the realization that this wasn't wasted time; the morning was all about building memories of time at home with Daddy, playing silly games, running around the house naked, deciding on a whim to go pick blueberries (despite being banned from the farm by my wife!) and eating watermelon til it drips down our elbows. There's definitely a time and a place for the big memory making trips and experiences, but I also want Jake and Sophie's childhood memories to be filled with the small delights and the endless lazy days moving at their speed and their timetable.
I wanted to record this realization for next summer, when it's quite likely that we'll be staying in the US all summer, and I will get the overwhelming feeling that we should be out doing Facebook worthy stuff. The other realization is that if what I see on Facebook is stressing me out (in that I feel like I'm not doing those amazing things that everyone else seems to be up to) then maybe I need to close Facebook instead of forcing my own summer.
The glorious thing about all of this is that this afternoon we went to the lake to meet up with Jake's best friend and his family and ended up having one of those dreamy afternoons by the lake, where Jake got on and steered his buddy's paddle board and I goofed in the water with Sophie, with hot pizza from the store across the road for dinner. Beautiful memory making quite by accident, which seems to be a much better way for them to be made, and a much more satisfying summer.
Here's to 3 more weeks of less planning and more goofing (thought with my sister coming on Wednesday, and the Forbes Family Vacation the week after, that may change!) and 3 more weeks of relaxation before the madness overtakes us all again.
Thursday, 2 August 2018
Friday, 27 April 2018
2 years (and a few days!)
I like anniversaries. Whether it's commemorating the fact that my wife and I have been a couple for 5000 days recently, or celebrating birthdays, there's something satisfying about marking the progress of time and reflecting on the changes since the last celebration. Which is why I'm slightly disappointed with the timing of this post. April 8th will always mark the date that we moved here and started the next big chapter in our lives, but as always with these posts, there is a delay between thinking "I need to write" and finding the headspace to do so. I would also imagine that there's a fair correlation between my blog posts and when I'm off school, as this is when time slows down a little.
Anyway. I still want to mark 2 years of being here as it represents a full year in our own house and the starting up of traditions and habits that will become part of our kid's earliest memories. What I want to do here is revisit the 1st post of this blog which talked about the 5 things that I was most excited for our move. I want to look at how each of these has played out, and the next things I'm excited for.
1) The space
In the original post, I had my heart set on a 3 or 4 bedroom house in the woods, with a couple of acres of land that we could grow vegetables on, have the kids play and keep chickens. With the exception of the latter, we are truly living the dream. Yesterday, Jake got up from rest time and decided that he wanted to go and do some gardening, so we went and planted pumpkin seeds. They then drove around in their four wheelers, played in the sand pit and happily played in the house on the deck. It was simply delightful to have that much outdoor space. I'm also planning on expanding to grow blueberries and cherries this year, with half an eye on a peach tree. I give this dream 10/10, even without the chickens.
2) The people
We see an awful lot of my wife's family, especially her parents which isn't surprising as it's less than a 5 minute drive to their house (which was all part of the plan of buying this place!). I had talked about the friendly customer service and small talk, and this is definitely true, even though I've had to train myself in becoming proficient in small talk to strangers (tip for other aliens: start by finding a common link, whether it's where you're from, where you've been or someone you know). We're still working on having friends outside of work or our kid's situations, but with 2 small people and the desire to hang out with them a lot makes this harder; that and I sometimes feel that we're always going to compare them to our our solid group of friends back in the UK. In terms of the gist of the original post, my overall impressions of New Englanders is that they're polite, friendly and very earnest (I've had to tone my sarcasm down several octaves): 10/10 for the prediction!
3) An outdoorsy lifestyle
Last summer saw me conquer 4 of the 48 mountains in New Hampshire that measure over 4,000 feet, as well as starting to get to know some of the local trails. I also used some of our tax return money (still don't quite understand the tax system here, but it seems to pay out in our favour!) to buy a canoe, which we have used once. When it's not bitterly cold, we do spend a good chunk of time outside which will only improve as Sophie becomes more confident and Jake allows himself to become braver with some of the activities we like to do. However, I've been made aware of loads of kid friendly hikes and trails, so I can't wait to explore more this summer! 9/10
4) Exploration and adventure
I think I probably underestimated how big America is and how little vacation time Kelsey would get when I wrote this. We also have the old trap that has dogged us for years that we want to spend all of our vacation time visiting friends and family in the other country. So our biggest trips so far have all been to England and to visit my wife's sister in Connecticut. However, my wife is training to become a teacher this year, so while it's going to make things tight financially, from September 2019 onwards we should have more time and money, and kids that are old enough, to start to explore more of this side of the ocean. 5/10.
5) Living on vacation
I still get a little giddy going to Calef's for lunch as it feels like I'm on holiday rather than just grabbing a sandwich for lunch. My vacation time with the kids is spent doing mini tourist things, and the ability to be at the top of Bluejob mountain within 30 minutes of leaving my front door still feels special. It's an interesting flip to watch the routine things of our time in Leeds (Greggs, going to the pub, hanging out with our friends') take on the mysticism of "holiday activities"; things to be excited about rather than just day to day activities. This one is hard to score as it's not vacation any more to live here, but I still enjoy the treats and the experiences that are now available to us daily.
So all in all I feel that my predictions about what I would find the most exciting over here are pretty accurate. It's also pretty satisfying to see that we've managed to make just about all of the dreams that we had for our life here come true, or at least have a plan to make them happy.
Some of the other things that I didn't realize that I would be excited about:
My job - teaching over here is a completely different experience and one that has truly set me free to be the creative and caring teacher that I dreamed of being at the start of my career. I know I'm lucky with my school district, but I get a lot of professional and personal satisfaction from my day to living.
Enormous snowfalls - any time when we're expecting over a foot of snow, the small, childish part of me gets all giddy at the prospect of such a scenery changing amount of snow. Even having to snow blow multiple times doesn't get me down, and there's something awe inspiring in putting your foot down and having snow come almost up to your knees. That, and the sunny days that immediately follow are some of the most spectacular times.
Sophie at day care - when we moved over, Sophie was 9 months old. She's now almost 3, and it's crazy to think that she has lived almost 75% of her life here! I love her daycare's outdoor section and the fact that she comes home covered in paint, food and with leaves in her hair, gabbling incomprehensibly about her day. While I'm excited to have her at Jake's old day care in the autumn, I will miss our car rides together.
Jake at school - I know Jake wold have thrived in any rule bound school environment, but when we moved he was still only 4 and school seemed like a long way away. Watching him develop into a learner who can read, write and count is just wonderful, and I love listening to his stories about what he did at school.
Fruit picking - we spent a lot of time at Butternut Farm last year picking each of the seasonal fruits, and there is something just incredibly exotic about picking a fresh peach off the tree and biting into the juicy goodness. I love the connection to the land, and while the produce will be more expensive than at a store, I fully intend to spend hundreds more there this summer to support local growers and to make sure my kids have a full appreciation of where their food comes from.
There are more, many more (grilling, lake life and free sports on TV to name but 3), but a) I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, b) this post has given me such a big smile and a true appreciation of our life here and c) I need to go wake Jake up so we can go to the trampoline park, because it's April vacation week, because we can, because life here is good.
Anyway. I still want to mark 2 years of being here as it represents a full year in our own house and the starting up of traditions and habits that will become part of our kid's earliest memories. What I want to do here is revisit the 1st post of this blog which talked about the 5 things that I was most excited for our move. I want to look at how each of these has played out, and the next things I'm excited for.
1) The space
In the original post, I had my heart set on a 3 or 4 bedroom house in the woods, with a couple of acres of land that we could grow vegetables on, have the kids play and keep chickens. With the exception of the latter, we are truly living the dream. Yesterday, Jake got up from rest time and decided that he wanted to go and do some gardening, so we went and planted pumpkin seeds. They then drove around in their four wheelers, played in the sand pit and happily played in the house on the deck. It was simply delightful to have that much outdoor space. I'm also planning on expanding to grow blueberries and cherries this year, with half an eye on a peach tree. I give this dream 10/10, even without the chickens.
2) The people
We see an awful lot of my wife's family, especially her parents which isn't surprising as it's less than a 5 minute drive to their house (which was all part of the plan of buying this place!). I had talked about the friendly customer service and small talk, and this is definitely true, even though I've had to train myself in becoming proficient in small talk to strangers (tip for other aliens: start by finding a common link, whether it's where you're from, where you've been or someone you know). We're still working on having friends outside of work or our kid's situations, but with 2 small people and the desire to hang out with them a lot makes this harder; that and I sometimes feel that we're always going to compare them to our our solid group of friends back in the UK. In terms of the gist of the original post, my overall impressions of New Englanders is that they're polite, friendly and very earnest (I've had to tone my sarcasm down several octaves): 10/10 for the prediction!
3) An outdoorsy lifestyle
Last summer saw me conquer 4 of the 48 mountains in New Hampshire that measure over 4,000 feet, as well as starting to get to know some of the local trails. I also used some of our tax return money (still don't quite understand the tax system here, but it seems to pay out in our favour!) to buy a canoe, which we have used once. When it's not bitterly cold, we do spend a good chunk of time outside which will only improve as Sophie becomes more confident and Jake allows himself to become braver with some of the activities we like to do. However, I've been made aware of loads of kid friendly hikes and trails, so I can't wait to explore more this summer! 9/10
4) Exploration and adventure
I think I probably underestimated how big America is and how little vacation time Kelsey would get when I wrote this. We also have the old trap that has dogged us for years that we want to spend all of our vacation time visiting friends and family in the other country. So our biggest trips so far have all been to England and to visit my wife's sister in Connecticut. However, my wife is training to become a teacher this year, so while it's going to make things tight financially, from September 2019 onwards we should have more time and money, and kids that are old enough, to start to explore more of this side of the ocean. 5/10.
5) Living on vacation
I still get a little giddy going to Calef's for lunch as it feels like I'm on holiday rather than just grabbing a sandwich for lunch. My vacation time with the kids is spent doing mini tourist things, and the ability to be at the top of Bluejob mountain within 30 minutes of leaving my front door still feels special. It's an interesting flip to watch the routine things of our time in Leeds (Greggs, going to the pub, hanging out with our friends') take on the mysticism of "holiday activities"; things to be excited about rather than just day to day activities. This one is hard to score as it's not vacation any more to live here, but I still enjoy the treats and the experiences that are now available to us daily.
So all in all I feel that my predictions about what I would find the most exciting over here are pretty accurate. It's also pretty satisfying to see that we've managed to make just about all of the dreams that we had for our life here come true, or at least have a plan to make them happy.
Some of the other things that I didn't realize that I would be excited about:
My job - teaching over here is a completely different experience and one that has truly set me free to be the creative and caring teacher that I dreamed of being at the start of my career. I know I'm lucky with my school district, but I get a lot of professional and personal satisfaction from my day to living.
Enormous snowfalls - any time when we're expecting over a foot of snow, the small, childish part of me gets all giddy at the prospect of such a scenery changing amount of snow. Even having to snow blow multiple times doesn't get me down, and there's something awe inspiring in putting your foot down and having snow come almost up to your knees. That, and the sunny days that immediately follow are some of the most spectacular times.
Sophie at day care - when we moved over, Sophie was 9 months old. She's now almost 3, and it's crazy to think that she has lived almost 75% of her life here! I love her daycare's outdoor section and the fact that she comes home covered in paint, food and with leaves in her hair, gabbling incomprehensibly about her day. While I'm excited to have her at Jake's old day care in the autumn, I will miss our car rides together.
Jake at school - I know Jake wold have thrived in any rule bound school environment, but when we moved he was still only 4 and school seemed like a long way away. Watching him develop into a learner who can read, write and count is just wonderful, and I love listening to his stories about what he did at school.
Fruit picking - we spent a lot of time at Butternut Farm last year picking each of the seasonal fruits, and there is something just incredibly exotic about picking a fresh peach off the tree and biting into the juicy goodness. I love the connection to the land, and while the produce will be more expensive than at a store, I fully intend to spend hundreds more there this summer to support local growers and to make sure my kids have a full appreciation of where their food comes from.
There are more, many more (grilling, lake life and free sports on TV to name but 3), but a) I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, b) this post has given me such a big smile and a true appreciation of our life here and c) I need to go wake Jake up so we can go to the trampoline park, because it's April vacation week, because we can, because life here is good.
Sunday, 18 March 2018
Decorating
Is that it's officially spring on Tuesday (despite what the foot of snow still in parts of my garden tells us)? Or perhaps that we have an IEP evaluation for Sophie on Wednesday and we want to look like "good parents"? Or maybe it's that our 2 year anniversary of The Big Move is coming up?
In any case, these last 2 weekends have seen a massive increase in our decorations around our house. Yes, we've (and by we, I mean my wife) have managed to keep a seasonal wreath on our door (who knew that was thing!) and a seasonal tablecloth on the table (including the garish orange pumpkin one for most of October and November! (note from wife - this was picked out by the 5 year old!)). But these are all temporary and small things. We've had a few family heirlooms and knick-knacks on the mantel place and on display in the spare room, but the only piece of art is a watercolor painting from Target because we felt like we should have something.
I was always slightly bothered that there was nothing on Jake and Sophie's walls in particular - again, their rooms and indeed our house are not lacking for books, toys and other personal touches, but there was nothing in there to make them into a proper kid's room.
All that has now changed. We have the most beautiful map of the White Mountains hiking trails hanging behind our couch (thank you Karyn!), with a stunning wooden frame. I've been told I'm not allowed to mark on the ones that I've done, but this seems a waste - we'll see who wins that one! My wife brought back some fancy wrapping paper from her recent trip to the UK which has world maps and a "map" of the solar system, so we've framed these and hung them in the kid's rooms. We've also added some artwork that we brought with us from the UK, and some that we've borrowed from the in-laws that my wife used to have in her room as a kid. Finally, we strung up some flower garlands in Sophie's room, and a ring of world flags in Jake's.
The overall effect throughout the house is to make it feel more like a home. This is strange to say, as we've now lived here longer than we did at Church Lane (our first married house) and it is most definitely "home". But I think there is a difference between somewhere feeling like our home (where my wife and kids are) and a building feeling like a home, where it looks lived in and personalised to the people living there. I'm not sure that pictures on the wall is the only way to achieve it, but putting up all those frames has made me so happy and rooted that there must be something in it.
We've still got a whole pack of pictures and paintings from our time back in Leeds, as well as plans for a family photo wall and a Forbes Wolfson Fine Art gallery, which all feel like exciting thoughts moving forward towards the start of our third year here. I'm not going to bore you with pictures - if you want to see how we've decorated, make plans to come visit!
In any case, these last 2 weekends have seen a massive increase in our decorations around our house. Yes, we've (and by we, I mean my wife) have managed to keep a seasonal wreath on our door (who knew that was thing!) and a seasonal tablecloth on the table (including the garish orange pumpkin one for most of October and November! (note from wife - this was picked out by the 5 year old!)). But these are all temporary and small things. We've had a few family heirlooms and knick-knacks on the mantel place and on display in the spare room, but the only piece of art is a watercolor painting from Target because we felt like we should have something.
I was always slightly bothered that there was nothing on Jake and Sophie's walls in particular - again, their rooms and indeed our house are not lacking for books, toys and other personal touches, but there was nothing in there to make them into a proper kid's room.
All that has now changed. We have the most beautiful map of the White Mountains hiking trails hanging behind our couch (thank you Karyn!), with a stunning wooden frame. I've been told I'm not allowed to mark on the ones that I've done, but this seems a waste - we'll see who wins that one! My wife brought back some fancy wrapping paper from her recent trip to the UK which has world maps and a "map" of the solar system, so we've framed these and hung them in the kid's rooms. We've also added some artwork that we brought with us from the UK, and some that we've borrowed from the in-laws that my wife used to have in her room as a kid. Finally, we strung up some flower garlands in Sophie's room, and a ring of world flags in Jake's.
The overall effect throughout the house is to make it feel more like a home. This is strange to say, as we've now lived here longer than we did at Church Lane (our first married house) and it is most definitely "home". But I think there is a difference between somewhere feeling like our home (where my wife and kids are) and a building feeling like a home, where it looks lived in and personalised to the people living there. I'm not sure that pictures on the wall is the only way to achieve it, but putting up all those frames has made me so happy and rooted that there must be something in it.
We've still got a whole pack of pictures and paintings from our time back in Leeds, as well as plans for a family photo wall and a Forbes Wolfson Fine Art gallery, which all feel like exciting thoughts moving forward towards the start of our third year here. I'm not going to bore you with pictures - if you want to see how we've decorated, make plans to come visit!
Sunday, 12 November 2017
Adverts
A lot of the posts on here tend to be more serious or thoughtful, generally depending on how homesick I am or how much I'm reading the news. However, this one is more playful. I keep meaning to write it, but each time I start writing it in my head, I hear something new that I want to add in.
Adverts, or commercials, are everywhere here. The most weird placement is during the baseball TV commentary, when halfway through a discussion point they will name drop a sponsor and their tag line ("That play was brought to you by Geico - 15 minutes could save you 15%") as if it's not a weird thing to do. Every part of a game is sponsored, from highlights to half time shows and even the post match interviews. The strangest thing that I only realized on going back to the UK for a whirlwind weekend is that there is no gambling here on sports - no Bet365 odds at half time or William Hill shops on every corner (also means no football accumulators...probably a good thing).
My favourite commercials (as I will call them as I prefer the term) are the ones on radio, especially those on local radio stations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think these are particular to the US, but a) I listened almost exclusively to commercial-free BBC radio in the UK and b) a lot of these observations make me laugh. So here are my favourite radio commercial observations:
1) The use of the show's presenter in commercials - this happens both at the local and national level, with even bit part members of the Elvis Doran (think Chris Moyles just older and gayer) show getting in on the act. It's very confusing to hear them discussing something and then break for a commercial, only for them to be on air delivering the commercial. I guess that's half the point, but I heard one segment where 4 of the 5 commercials were done by the show's presenter. I also love the local DJ (Jadd on Z107) who speaks like a teenager and has sold his soul to just about everyone in a 10 mile radius. Listening to him trying to get hyped about Pandora bracelets or the local credit union makes me chuckle.
2) Small local business - most people buy in professional voice overs or actors, but my favourite commercials by far are the ones done by the people who actually own the business. They always sound so forced and corny that I can't help but laugh, especially when they try to insert a joke but forget they can't hear your laughter and so leave an awkward second of silence. Pure radio gold.
3) The pervasiveness of Geico - while you'll hear most commercials on repeat for a good month or so at a time, Geico (a large national insurance provider) seems to have gone for the scatter gun approach. In the last week, I must have heard at least a dozen difference commercials, ranging from advice from your shadow to things that will make you feel good. At the heart is the same message about why you should choose Geico (and I could probably reel them off for you, which shows the success) but the sheer cost involved makes me wonder if the effort is worth it. I also sometimes wonder who comes up with the themes, as a lot of them are incredibly random and not related to insurance at all.
4) Political ads - these were way over the top during the run up to the election, especially with the above mentioned continuous repetition. However, they still pop up every now and then, and recently I heard a negative ad slamming one of the New Hampshire senators. There's no election any time soon and the ad was sponsored by a group not affiliated with any political party or organization (I know because they have to tell you at the end). It struck me as bizarre that this is a legitimate form of campaigning, yet if I was to do and say the same things about a random member of the public, it could be construed as slander. Interesting thoughts.
The best part of having fun with the commercials is that they're not my favorite part of the radio experience. I was concerned that I would miss radio 1 and 4 a lot, and to begin with, I only listened to the stations that Kelsey and I listened to as we drove around on holiday. However, I now have my Chris Moyles alternative in the morning (until Sophie starts repeating what she hears - the show is definitely NSFW some days!), NPR (think radio 4 but more random) as well as sports radio with really feisty presenters and some good country in the mix too. Long commutes to work don't seem as boring any more!
Adverts, or commercials, are everywhere here. The most weird placement is during the baseball TV commentary, when halfway through a discussion point they will name drop a sponsor and their tag line ("That play was brought to you by Geico - 15 minutes could save you 15%") as if it's not a weird thing to do. Every part of a game is sponsored, from highlights to half time shows and even the post match interviews. The strangest thing that I only realized on going back to the UK for a whirlwind weekend is that there is no gambling here on sports - no Bet365 odds at half time or William Hill shops on every corner (also means no football accumulators...probably a good thing).
My favourite commercials (as I will call them as I prefer the term) are the ones on radio, especially those on local radio stations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think these are particular to the US, but a) I listened almost exclusively to commercial-free BBC radio in the UK and b) a lot of these observations make me laugh. So here are my favourite radio commercial observations:
1) The use of the show's presenter in commercials - this happens both at the local and national level, with even bit part members of the Elvis Doran (think Chris Moyles just older and gayer) show getting in on the act. It's very confusing to hear them discussing something and then break for a commercial, only for them to be on air delivering the commercial. I guess that's half the point, but I heard one segment where 4 of the 5 commercials were done by the show's presenter. I also love the local DJ (Jadd on Z107) who speaks like a teenager and has sold his soul to just about everyone in a 10 mile radius. Listening to him trying to get hyped about Pandora bracelets or the local credit union makes me chuckle.
2) Small local business - most people buy in professional voice overs or actors, but my favourite commercials by far are the ones done by the people who actually own the business. They always sound so forced and corny that I can't help but laugh, especially when they try to insert a joke but forget they can't hear your laughter and so leave an awkward second of silence. Pure radio gold.
3) The pervasiveness of Geico - while you'll hear most commercials on repeat for a good month or so at a time, Geico (a large national insurance provider) seems to have gone for the scatter gun approach. In the last week, I must have heard at least a dozen difference commercials, ranging from advice from your shadow to things that will make you feel good. At the heart is the same message about why you should choose Geico (and I could probably reel them off for you, which shows the success) but the sheer cost involved makes me wonder if the effort is worth it. I also sometimes wonder who comes up with the themes, as a lot of them are incredibly random and not related to insurance at all.
4) Political ads - these were way over the top during the run up to the election, especially with the above mentioned continuous repetition. However, they still pop up every now and then, and recently I heard a negative ad slamming one of the New Hampshire senators. There's no election any time soon and the ad was sponsored by a group not affiliated with any political party or organization (I know because they have to tell you at the end). It struck me as bizarre that this is a legitimate form of campaigning, yet if I was to do and say the same things about a random member of the public, it could be construed as slander. Interesting thoughts.
The best part of having fun with the commercials is that they're not my favorite part of the radio experience. I was concerned that I would miss radio 1 and 4 a lot, and to begin with, I only listened to the stations that Kelsey and I listened to as we drove around on holiday. However, I now have my Chris Moyles alternative in the morning (until Sophie starts repeating what she hears - the show is definitely NSFW some days!), NPR (think radio 4 but more random) as well as sports radio with really feisty presenters and some good country in the mix too. Long commutes to work don't seem as boring any more!
Sunday, 8 October 2017
A year at home
One of the interesting things about anniversaries and important dates is how and when you use them to mark time. We have our birthdays and weddings (though for my wife and I, we have 3 wedding dates to choose from, but only one birthday between us), but the move over here is also marked in our calendars (not diaries, over here at least!) as it demarcates the end of one chapter of our lives and the start of the next.
Today also marks another important anniversary - a year in our first American home. In the same way that I can't believe that it also marks 18 months of us being here (we moved in exactly 6 months after we arrived), a year in this house seems to have gone by very quickly. The transition from our family house in the UK to my in-laws was strange, but familiar at the same time. Finding this place and going through the whole purchasing process was the first time that our move here felt permanent, even with jobs and a new car. Buying a house means putting down roots and signalling our intent to stay here, to become part of the community, to have our kids grow up in Strafford's school system and for us to have a family home to return home to each day.
I remember with clarity the first night here, giving the kids a bath and thinking how weird it would be for that bath time to feel normal and for the whole newness of the house to become familiarity. To a certain extent, it has, but I still feel a rush of excitement sometimes when I catch a glimpse of a new angle of the house or just admire another facet that I hadn't noticed before. For example, being able to host a birthday party with an enormous bouncy castle that didn't seem to take up any space, or having a Christmas tree that was 10 feet plus tall that I could look down on, or simply standing in the back and looking up at the trees, feeling small and protected by them.
We have made some interesting discoveries. In November, about a month after moving in, we woke one morning to find that it was absolutely freezing in the house. The heating, which had been working fine, was off and we didn't really want to pay someone to come and fix it. We called my father in law, who's first question was "when was the last time someone delivered oil?". Problem solved, but it was a revelation to realize that we weren't connected to any sort of communal heating, water or sewage supply - everything is in our house. The only thing we have "delivered" is electricity, but we're planning on solar panels so that we can be more self-sufficient. In March, I finally gave up my battle with our incredibly slow (but cheap) satellite internet service and paid off our contract. We now have high speed cable, meaning that video calls back to the UK are easy and fun - some times, you can't put a price on things. In June, with guests visiting and having boasted about the quality of our water, we found that it was turning orange and metallic - a sure sign of iron. Cue a discovery about the intense filtration system that we have downstairs that we hadn't paid attention to and needed servicing. I love the idea of having water coming from the ground underneath us, but it sure makes you appreciate what Yorkshire Water does - including having to give the kids fluoride pills as there's none in the water here.
We have done our usual house trick of not really doing anything for the first year. We have 2 pieces of art on the wall and a good stock of second hand and discount furniture to see us through when the kids are young. We bought something that was too big for our house (a canoe) but managed to find a home for it. We have managed to keep half a handle on the garden, but it will need more TLC next year. I guess the big difference is that we have invested in some nice furniture with a plan for more and the sheer amount of space available to us has made us more cautious about filling it with stuff.
It feels like a long time since my childhood friend Dan and I climbed the tree in the back yard instead of unpacking, and even longer since we first stepped through the door and gaped at the size of the house we were looking at. This house has seen Jake start kindergarten, Sophie get her hearing fixed and learning to walk and talk, a new change of career plan for my wife and a successful first year for me as I start my new adventure in American education. By the time October 8th rolls around next year, Kelsey will be knee deep in her masters course, Jake will be in first grade and Sophie will be at preschool. We may or may not have updated the house further, but it will feel more and more like home home every day.
Post script
None of this would have been possible without the legacy of Gran, and the irony is that if she was around for me to Skype and share this home with her, we probably wouldn't be here. It's a tough balancing act to manage, but she stipulated that the money should be used to do something that you wouldn't otherwise be able to do. I'd say moving wholesale to America into a house that is 4 times our previous one with enough land that my 144 square feet vegetable garden makes no dent in the acreage fits this bill, and for that I will always be truly grateful to Gran.
Tuesday, 3 October 2017
American Values
Part of the fun of being a foreigner is the feeling of insider knowledge that you get from truly experiencing another country for an extended period of time. Gone are the familiar stereotypes and even some of the surface observations that you make as a visitor here - the experience of day to day living surrounded by American people, American news and American culture offers an unrivaled view into another way of life. It's fun to be able to offer our visitors some of these deeper insights, such as the earnestness of most Americans I've met, and the social norms such as the traditional American small talk of trying to find some sort of connection through ancestry or social group.
On the other hand, it reveals certain truths and ugliness that are hard to see from the outside, especially with the rose tinted view afforded by holidays. I started writing this post in my head during last week's NFL protests, but I feel compelled to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) after the events in Las Vegas and their dissection by the media and politicians.
The NFL protests - kneeling during the national anthem - were, I think, intended as a way of bringing to focus social injustice in terms of the underlying racism that still exists in large swathes of America. However, the national anthem, along with the flag, is held in high reverence here and to do anything other than stand and remove one's hat is seen to be the height of treason (regardless of the fact that most people sit when they hear it on TV).
The confusion lies in the belief that the flag and anthem stand for "American values" and that all Americans, regardless of who they are or where they're from, should be proud to stand for the flag. Indeed, we start every day at school pledging blind allegiance to the flag, assuming that we know what we're pledging. The issue here is what you consider to be American values (a similar debate has raged in the UK education system about British values, but that's for another post). If you take the pledge of allegiance, the main values (I think) come from the last sentence - liberty and justice for all. In that sense, I agree with the protesters - we don't have either of those, so any way that you can find to raise awareness of this is worth pursuing. If you take the national anthem, the values that come through again stem from the last line - the land of the free and the home of the brave. This idea of bravery runs deep in America, and often the national anthem/flag debate gets wrapped up with veterans and the army, so by kneeling for justice, protesters are seen to be disrespecting the army who protect this land of the free and brave (this, again, is another post in the making).
If you take the constitution as your guide for American values, you end up with a great mix of ideas. On the one hand, the idea that all men are created equal doesn't seem to run true, while on the other there are some knotty issues about the extent of free speech as seen in the recent events in Charlottesville. You are also adhering to a text written 250 years ago in an age where America was being forged against the will of the might of the British empire, so it made sense to amend it to afford a well armed militia with a right to bear arms and to not have to quarter soldiers against your will. I feel that some of these amendments have the same ring that arguments against homosexuality using that Leviticus section of the Bible hold - it says so in the book, and the book must be right, therefore I'm right, regardless of whether it's still applicable or relevant today.
The shooting in Las Vegas sickened me, but not as much as the vapid "thoughts and prayers" from many of the country's leading politicians. Even worse are the politicians who, instead of taking to arms (so to speak) and thinking of ways to combat this problem before the next shooter comes along, have openly said that these shootings are a natural consequence of the freedoms afforded by the constitution, so we just have to accept them. Even worse is the politician who when asked about gun control said that it's on the shoulders of everyone to take extra precautions and to "be small" in the situations.
Fuck.
That.
(sorry for swearing, mum)
If I have to accept you have a constitutional right to "bear arms", and that there is nothing stopping those arms from being fully automatic, military grade machine guns, then you have to accept my constitutional right to congregate freely in public and to live a life free from harassment. Why should I have to take precautions about going to open air concerts or other crowded spaces because it is feasible and possible that someone, without any prior convictions or recorded history of mental illness, decides to take their arsenal and shoot their frustrations at me? Why should I have to teach my students the "lockdown" drill where we hide in our classroom in the dark with the door locked so a shooter can't kill us? Why should I have to hug my children extra hard tonight, praying that at some point in their lives they won't be one of the faces on TV for a few days, their lives ended because no one did anything in their power to stop it from happening again, and again, again?
The normal response of "people wouldn't shoot innocents if they knew everyone else had a gun" fails when your gunman barricades himself in a hotel 100 yards away and rains bullets down. But not once in 48 hours post Vegas have I heard anyone (apart from a few Democratic senators) say anything other than condemning the violence, praying for the victims and talking about mental health laws. I don't know if I get so worked up over gun violence and mass shootings because I come from a country where guns aren't an issue because no one has them, or because I'm a pacifist through and through and the idea that you are making it easier for people to cause massive damage to others just sickens me. But the lack of any kind of preventative response from the only people who could actively do something about just makes my blood boil.
The life of an alien is tough sometimes. You spend ages feeling like you've acclimatized, that you're part of the furniture, but then you realize that being part of that culture is more than knowing the Red Sox lineup by heart or learning a few pop culture references; it's understanding the decisions that get made and the different voices that make up the national conversation. Perhaps that's why American values are so hard to pin down - not because they don't exist, but that each American has their own interpretation of what they mean, and that is the hardest lesson for an alien to learn.
On the other hand, it reveals certain truths and ugliness that are hard to see from the outside, especially with the rose tinted view afforded by holidays. I started writing this post in my head during last week's NFL protests, but I feel compelled to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) after the events in Las Vegas and their dissection by the media and politicians.
The NFL protests - kneeling during the national anthem - were, I think, intended as a way of bringing to focus social injustice in terms of the underlying racism that still exists in large swathes of America. However, the national anthem, along with the flag, is held in high reverence here and to do anything other than stand and remove one's hat is seen to be the height of treason (regardless of the fact that most people sit when they hear it on TV).
The confusion lies in the belief that the flag and anthem stand for "American values" and that all Americans, regardless of who they are or where they're from, should be proud to stand for the flag. Indeed, we start every day at school pledging blind allegiance to the flag, assuming that we know what we're pledging. The issue here is what you consider to be American values (a similar debate has raged in the UK education system about British values, but that's for another post). If you take the pledge of allegiance, the main values (I think) come from the last sentence - liberty and justice for all. In that sense, I agree with the protesters - we don't have either of those, so any way that you can find to raise awareness of this is worth pursuing. If you take the national anthem, the values that come through again stem from the last line - the land of the free and the home of the brave. This idea of bravery runs deep in America, and often the national anthem/flag debate gets wrapped up with veterans and the army, so by kneeling for justice, protesters are seen to be disrespecting the army who protect this land of the free and brave (this, again, is another post in the making).
If you take the constitution as your guide for American values, you end up with a great mix of ideas. On the one hand, the idea that all men are created equal doesn't seem to run true, while on the other there are some knotty issues about the extent of free speech as seen in the recent events in Charlottesville. You are also adhering to a text written 250 years ago in an age where America was being forged against the will of the might of the British empire, so it made sense to amend it to afford a well armed militia with a right to bear arms and to not have to quarter soldiers against your will. I feel that some of these amendments have the same ring that arguments against homosexuality using that Leviticus section of the Bible hold - it says so in the book, and the book must be right, therefore I'm right, regardless of whether it's still applicable or relevant today.
The shooting in Las Vegas sickened me, but not as much as the vapid "thoughts and prayers" from many of the country's leading politicians. Even worse are the politicians who, instead of taking to arms (so to speak) and thinking of ways to combat this problem before the next shooter comes along, have openly said that these shootings are a natural consequence of the freedoms afforded by the constitution, so we just have to accept them. Even worse is the politician who when asked about gun control said that it's on the shoulders of everyone to take extra precautions and to "be small" in the situations.
Fuck.
That.
(sorry for swearing, mum)
If I have to accept you have a constitutional right to "bear arms", and that there is nothing stopping those arms from being fully automatic, military grade machine guns, then you have to accept my constitutional right to congregate freely in public and to live a life free from harassment. Why should I have to take precautions about going to open air concerts or other crowded spaces because it is feasible and possible that someone, without any prior convictions or recorded history of mental illness, decides to take their arsenal and shoot their frustrations at me? Why should I have to teach my students the "lockdown" drill where we hide in our classroom in the dark with the door locked so a shooter can't kill us? Why should I have to hug my children extra hard tonight, praying that at some point in their lives they won't be one of the faces on TV for a few days, their lives ended because no one did anything in their power to stop it from happening again, and again, again?
The normal response of "people wouldn't shoot innocents if they knew everyone else had a gun" fails when your gunman barricades himself in a hotel 100 yards away and rains bullets down. But not once in 48 hours post Vegas have I heard anyone (apart from a few Democratic senators) say anything other than condemning the violence, praying for the victims and talking about mental health laws. I don't know if I get so worked up over gun violence and mass shootings because I come from a country where guns aren't an issue because no one has them, or because I'm a pacifist through and through and the idea that you are making it easier for people to cause massive damage to others just sickens me. But the lack of any kind of preventative response from the only people who could actively do something about just makes my blood boil.
The life of an alien is tough sometimes. You spend ages feeling like you've acclimatized, that you're part of the furniture, but then you realize that being part of that culture is more than knowing the Red Sox lineup by heart or learning a few pop culture references; it's understanding the decisions that get made and the different voices that make up the national conversation. Perhaps that's why American values are so hard to pin down - not because they don't exist, but that each American has their own interpretation of what they mean, and that is the hardest lesson for an alien to learn.
Thursday, 24 August 2017
Hello from the other side
Jake starts Kindergarten tomorrow. Just that sentence feels strange to type; it shouldn't, given that him going to school was an inevitability in whatever country we lived in, but at the same time, it's a strange realization to think that this is the start of a 13 year journey of continuous schooling (and hopefully beyond, but we'll cross that bridge in 2030...), and a 16 year process when you add Sophie into the mix.
So it felt strange going to another person's classroom this evening for their "open house". Don't get me wrong, I must have been in over 200 classrooms in the course of my career so far, but each time it's been with a purpose related to my job - observe a child, provide support, teach, borrow a stapler etc. This was the first time I went in a non-professional role, as a parent. That also felt strange to write, as while I know that I have two kids and that "parent" is one of my roles in life, it's not one that I pick out immediately when talking about myself, but my drive to take Jake for open evening was definitely built on my desire to see where he will be during the day (my mum will laugh as she always likes to have mental pictures of where we all are!) and to see what his classroom looks like. It was strange to see his name on the door, and his cubby (also written as Jacob...I know I've done that as a teacher, so I hope that he's brave enough to make himself be called Jake!). It was also strange to see his surname written out, and it was the first time I felt a little guilty for giving him Forbes Wolfson (especially when his "rainbow" table buddies have last names like "Grant" and "Chick"). It's a lot to learn to write (it took him awhile to learn to introduce himself fully) but at the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I sit here feeling strangely on the other side to his education experience. I know about everything that he's going to go through this year from the eyes of his teacher. I know that he will be one of 18 kids and that his teacher will do her best to see him as much as possible, to give him what he needs and to help him grow this year, because that's what I do with every kid who comes into my classroom. At the same time, I know that each child in my own classroom belongs to someone else, and they have the same desire for their individual child to succeed and develop as I have for Jake. So I can see both sides, which makes me feel less worried that I think I would be otherwise.
I'm also glad that we were able to give him the extra year that he's had of pre-K work. In the UK, he would be starting year 1, having already completed one year of formal schooling. While I know the reception class work is play based, I still feel pleased that he had a year to grow a little, gain some social skills, develop his emotional literacy as well as begin playing with letters and numbers. That extra year, combined with the work that we're doing at home on rule following, independence and kindness, means that I feel safe and happy sending him into Kindergarten tomorrow ready to start his school journey. Go Jake, a member of the class of 2030!
So it felt strange going to another person's classroom this evening for their "open house". Don't get me wrong, I must have been in over 200 classrooms in the course of my career so far, but each time it's been with a purpose related to my job - observe a child, provide support, teach, borrow a stapler etc. This was the first time I went in a non-professional role, as a parent. That also felt strange to write, as while I know that I have two kids and that "parent" is one of my roles in life, it's not one that I pick out immediately when talking about myself, but my drive to take Jake for open evening was definitely built on my desire to see where he will be during the day (my mum will laugh as she always likes to have mental pictures of where we all are!) and to see what his classroom looks like. It was strange to see his name on the door, and his cubby (also written as Jacob...I know I've done that as a teacher, so I hope that he's brave enough to make himself be called Jake!). It was also strange to see his surname written out, and it was the first time I felt a little guilty for giving him Forbes Wolfson (especially when his "rainbow" table buddies have last names like "Grant" and "Chick"). It's a lot to learn to write (it took him awhile to learn to introduce himself fully) but at the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I sit here feeling strangely on the other side to his education experience. I know about everything that he's going to go through this year from the eyes of his teacher. I know that he will be one of 18 kids and that his teacher will do her best to see him as much as possible, to give him what he needs and to help him grow this year, because that's what I do with every kid who comes into my classroom. At the same time, I know that each child in my own classroom belongs to someone else, and they have the same desire for their individual child to succeed and develop as I have for Jake. So I can see both sides, which makes me feel less worried that I think I would be otherwise.
I'm also glad that we were able to give him the extra year that he's had of pre-K work. In the UK, he would be starting year 1, having already completed one year of formal schooling. While I know the reception class work is play based, I still feel pleased that he had a year to grow a little, gain some social skills, develop his emotional literacy as well as begin playing with letters and numbers. That extra year, combined with the work that we're doing at home on rule following, independence and kindness, means that I feel safe and happy sending him into Kindergarten tomorrow ready to start his school journey. Go Jake, a member of the class of 2030!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)